this morning I was reviewing my diary for the month of January. I start each nightly entry with a couple of words summarising the day. these range from:
very tough day / tough day / OK day / good day / happy day / very happy day
and overall, January has been a bit of a stinker round here. several very happy days, but also lots of tough and recently very tough days.
won’t go into the reasons for either, here – but a combination of internal choices and external events acting upon me have left me feeling drained and battered this morning.
so this post is to myself, as much as to anyone…
I chose this depiction of St George by the Edwardian artist Briton Rivière as I preferred his exhausted yet thankful version of St George to the more frequently seen vanquishing hero on horseback, skewering a cowering dragon while a grateful maiden languishes in the background.
the only person I am saving is myself.
the dragons I face – that we all face – on a daily basis can be of our own making, or they can come snarling in from the outside world, throwing us into disarray and confusion.
and often the dragons do come in battalions, or seem to – especially when we have been drinking for years, and letting them mount up, unchallenged and unfought.
I am four years and two months sober right now. I have given up expecting to be ‘fixed’ and instead believe that my recovery will progress onwards, in an eternal corkscrew, until my last (and hopefully sober) breath.
I remind myself that I don’t have to do everything at once.
that it took everything St. George had in him to conquer his one dragon.
if you are in early sobriety, and your dragon is alcohol, keep your eye on that one dragon. don’t let anything come between you and that battle. it’s one you have to win.
if you, like me, are in longer-term sobriety, let’s fight our dragons one at a time to give ourselves the best possible chance of defeating the one in front of us.
and let’s all remember that, unlike St. George – we never have to do this on our own.
thanks for being here, as ever, my fellow sober warriors.