I’ve been keeping an eye on my Living Sober day counter for a while now as I didn’t want to miss this milestone. The monetary figure in the image is misleading as I actually put in the figure in £ sterling – the US dollar equivalent would be about $13,000 saved.
The figure is useful in that it is a concrete reminder not merely of what I was spending, but how much I was drinking. I remember putting in a figure of £50 per week, which I reckoned was an accurate reflection of what I was spending. That was based on six or seven bottles of wine a week, plus up to a bottle of gin – the equivalent of maybe 100 units a week. Which is far, FAR too much alcohol. It’s pretty terrifying that was the amount at which I could still just about function.
The day counter’s calculations also assume that I would have kept drinking at that rate for those 1,400 days, which seems unlikely. To be blunt, I would either have got worse, or I might not even be here. The wheels were definitely coming off my life this time four years ago. I find September and October emotionally difficult times of year for that reason – memories of my last weeks of drinking are highly painful still, although I am getting better at forgiving myself for them.
I am so hugely grateful that I found this online support community. Sometimes I struggle with being too bossy, too evangelical about being sober – more so here online than in real life, where I am quite diffident. My previous post was prompted by that quote – and also by some memories coming up for me of my final drinking days. If I sometimes seem as if I am banging the drum too insistently, it will be because I remember how unhappy and hopeless I felt then. I want others to know that change IS possible, and that even on the crappiest of days, the sober life is better than the drinking one.