over the last few weeks a series of apparently unconnected external events have hit my family like small and large meteorites. after the latest – and one of the least – when my eldest suffered a twisted ankle which will significantly affect our plans for the next few weeks – something rang a bell in my brain and I remembered an old blog post by Martha Beck on how to survive Life’s rough patches, which you can read here.
in the post Martha advises that when we hit a rough patch – or a rumble strip – the best way to navigate it is to hit the brakes, put your mind in reverse, and then find and follow smooth terrain.
the part about hitting the brakes rings very true for me. having food in the fridge and clean underwear in the drawers can make the difference between bearable and unbearable levels of chaos. running (always!). early bed. quiet time in the mornings. medicinal levels of chocolate.
I also like her explanation of why there sometimes seems to be a procession of unrelated disasters – namely, because our lives are SUPPOSED to be an epic road trip towards inner wisdom, love and joy. and those things are not found on the smooth and straight road. they are found when our life assumptions rub up against reality.
if you are in the early days of sobriety – which I would classify as at least the first 200 days – then you may well have taken that decision because all the evidence has been proclaiming to you that your belief that consuming alcohol is an enjoyable and vital part of life is NOT TRUE, at least for you. and after decades perhaps of drinking, and social conditioning, that is an immensely hard belief to back away from, to challenge, to change.
one thing I continue to find difficult is seeing others in real life, many of whom are very dear to me, who are still stuck in that dark place. no-one can make that leap for another person. one of the reasons I blog is to try to help those who HAVE identified they have an issue with alcohol, and to offer hope and example that life without alcohol is not lesser, but vastly more. that it is not a case of not being able to drink, but not having to drink. which is something I am still thankful for, every day.
if you are in longer term sobriety, chances are you will already have had a meteorite storm of your own. I found Martha’s post most helpful in challenging my own assumption that everyday life should proceed smoothly and without hiccups. once I let go of that, then I reduce the energy I am spending railing against the events, and can concentrate on dealing with them.
and sometimes it turns out that the monster we are dealing with is not so very big, after all… Prim xx
Hot damn Prim we’ve written almost the same thing a few days apart! You are now quoted in Friday’s post 😉 xx
Ha! Look forward to reading your version 😁😘 xxx
Great post, and thank you for Martha Beck’s link! I can definitely point to many times in my life when all hell’s broken loose, and in hindsight I can see that there were blessings. Let’s hope that when being grateful for blessings (even the mixed kind), we are then heaped with more blessings. (Remember in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, the Whos were grateful despite their stolen presents?) I was always so touched by that scene. (Cue Whos singing Welcome Christmas.) 💕
Sorry for the obscure reference — it’s early and I’ve had too much coffee.
ha ha at too much coffee 🙂 and now I have that song in my head as an ear worm, thank you 😉 xx
Two “Ahas” for me in sobriety that you captured in this post:
Life without alcohol is more, not less. The ability to live life raw, as Mrs. D would say, feels like a super power sometimes.
The only constant in life is change, so railing against life’s vagaries just leaves me drained and less able to deal skillfully with the problem at hand. Banning “Why me?” from my vocabulary has led to a more peaceful state of mind.
Thank you for the link to Martha’s post and for the adorable photos.
P.S. The line “You are not a fuckface whisperer” from your last post helped me get through a couple of frustrating situations this week. 🙂
definitely agree with the thought of living life raw. I was having a conversation with someone in my head just yesterday (I do that FAR too much) in which I was trying to explain how living a life without alcohol is rawer and freer… Mrs D always puts it so well! I think there is something in it like living life
– without wearing blinkers so you can see all around you
– without a cave you run to and hide when life gets difficult
– without a rail to run on, but the freedom of the open hills
– after being released from the confining walls of a prison of compulsive behaviour
glad you liked the link and the photos and the FFW line 🙂 xx
Where’s your blog site, Julie? I liked your comment, so was looking for more. 💕
Oh THANK YOU, PRIM!
I needed to hear these words right now, as I have a family problem miles away, and now have to figure out how to get my 92 year old mom to move out of my bother’s house. It’s very involved and it is out of my control completely.
It’s making me so upset, I can’t eat, and can’t sleep ..and I am so far away.
I will read Martha’s post, and breathe.
I know it will all work out, and I am SO lucky I have Mr. UT who is my rock.
He’s a boulder!!! LOL
Of course this situation is really complicated, there is a LOT more to the story, but in the end, I know it will be a lot of work moving, if that happens, but it will
be alright.
Big Hugs!!
xoxo
Wendy
sorry to hear your family situation is so difficult (and sorry too for delay in replying…)
boulders are good. as are shoulders (to cry on) and holders (of hands). sending lots of love.
just looked it up and apparently it was Paulo Coelho who said
“Everything will be all right in the end. If it’s not all right, it is not yet the end.”
big hugs to you all particularly if there is dissension in the family. Prim xxx
Brilliant post Prim. In my early days of quitting (of the many attempts) I fully expected my life to be amazing and fall into place at 3 months sober and when it didn’t deliver I just concluded sobriety sucks anyway you may as well be drunk. This last year I’ve had massive upheavals but I have realised a fundamental truth that I never ‘got’ before. Life is going to keep handing you challenges. Things will go wrong, people will get sick, husbands will relapse, jobs will come and go… etc etc. The true work begins when we sit and face these things sober. Bad things happen to good people, just because you are doing everything right and you are sober doesn’t mean the shit isn’t going to hit the fan. In fact for some of us the shit really starts hitting the fan at the point you stop drinking. Thank you for the link, I shall enjoy reading it.
absolutely – the external challenges will keep a-coming, whether we like it or not. so better to sail into the wind, yes? thanks as ever for your comment and hope you are enjoying what we laughably call ‘summer’ 😉 xx
Fab post.. and very apt as the school holidays start!! Thank you. x
thanks for this and crikey I haven’t been writing here for a while, have I, as the holidays are drawing to an end! hope you are enjoying them x
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Yes! Love this. All of it. Thank you, Prim! -HM.
nice to see you HM! xx
That was a great piece of writing. Adversities come away in our lives as signs for us to turn in, but more often than not, we ignore these signs due to our attachment to the material world. And in that way we miss important opportunities that could lead to own enlightenment, The ultimate liberation any human can experience because it is the real and only way to nourish the soul.
Thanks for reading and commenting, Philip. Best wishes, Prim.