henri_rousseau_010

The Sleeping Gypsy, Henri Rousseau, 1897

I had a drinking dream last night. in the dream I had a glass of white wine on impulse, and then ‘remembered’ that I had been having the occasional glass of wine on and off throughout my whole period of sobriety, but that was somehow ok, and I wouldn’t mention it on my blog, but would just carry on saying I was over two years sober.

ugh.

well, firstly, I hope it goes without saying that isn’t actually true!

secondly, if that is the addictive voice trying to belittle what I have actually achieved that is so fucking sneaky.

I’m writing this not because I need reassurance that drinking dreams are nothing to worry about – I’m pretty ok on that score, thanks – my husband says that they are the sleeping mind processing and tidying up our subconscious. so I’m glad to have had the dream, if it is the mental equivalent of a robotised hoover, disposing of psychological biscuit crumbs and dog hair while I’m asleep.

roomba_time-lapse

there’s a lot of cleaning up to do in there, I can tell you.

I’m getting in lots of sleep, exercise, and meditation. also re-reading Kelly McGonigal’s The Willpower Instinct, in which she talks about ‘pause and plan’ as the opposite of the ‘fight or flight’ instinct. she says:

“Willpower is a mind-body response, not a virtue. It is a biological function that can be improved through mindfulness, exercise, nutrition, and sleep.”

staying close. sober first. Prim xx

Advertisements