today can be a difficult one for drinkers, ex-drinkers, or anyone indeed who struggles with what it means to be a mother themselves. or anyone who lives with the pain of not being a mother when it was all their hopes, who can sometimes put that love into becoming some of the truest of friends to others. or for those who struggle with their relationship with their own mother.
too often real, true and painful feelings can get wallpapered over with sanctimony and shoulds and coulds. in my own case, for example, there is guilt for the years of drinking when to outer appearances I was checking all the motherhood boxes but I really, truly wasn’t. those days can never be reclaimed: all I can do is make sure I never fall back into the pit again, whilst reminding myself I was doing the very best I could at the time. when we know better, we do better.
here’s one article I read by Alison Pearson. I like her lines,
‘And we cried because the years where the children were small are past and motherhood is the only job where, if you do it really well, you get demoted.’
and this wonderful post from Glennon at Momastery, This is Why. I won’t include an extract here because I think the post needs to be read in its entirety, including some perceptive, helpful and heartbreaking comments. human relationships cannot be condensed to a day, a card, a box of chocolates. they can be painful and messy and hurtful.
with huge love to all friends, mothers, sons and daughters reading this. you are precious. Prim xx