this final post about ugh fields is about how we can most directly combat them. as Belle says, “What could you add?”
because sometimes, more is more. here are some suggestions. please note that I say ‘you’ below in the sense of ‘me, you, cousin Arthur, and pretty much everyone’ 😉
- more information. sometimes we know what we don’t know. for example, I know that I don’t know how to re-upholster a threadbare tapestry footstool that glares at me daily, challenging me to do something about it. I can almost see the ugh field forming around it. but if I look on youtube I’m sure there will be a video of how to do it so I can work out if I think its within my capabilities or not. on the other hand, excess information gathering can be a behaviour to defer taking action. the fact that I have a ridiculous number of cook-books but never any idea what to make for supper is a clear triumph of hope over experience 😉
- more moral support – whether from a tribe or a coach. there are advantages and disadvantages to both. a coach may not suit everyone’s personality – if the mere idea makes you feel like a rebellious twelve year old who wants to flick V’s, kick over your desk and climb out of the classroom window, this may not work for you! a tribe of those experiencing the same issues can be hugely valuable but has its limitations. support from peers can be invaluable but where you are all learning the same lessons at once a coach can point out possible pitfalls. think of it as learning to scuba dive – would you prefer to learn from an expert or from the others who are also trying not to drown at the bottom of a three foot swimming pool?!
- if you don’t feel you are lacking either in information or moral support, what next? how about more rewards? this can feel almost infantile but is an evergreen tactic for a reason. here’s Belle’s great post on gold stickers.
- another way of solving a problem is by throwing money at it. does it need more money? paying someone else to deal with the issue? (hint: you don’t have to do everything, you know.)
- here’s a tricksy one – more time.
because we only have a finite amount of that every day. but is it only time that is constraining you? really? or is that just what you are telling yourself? I’ve written previously about how when I say “I don’t have time” what I really mean is “that isn’t important to me right now”. and that’s fine. not everything has to be done right now (see point above.) but if you spent two solid days doing whatever it is would it make a serious dent in it? if so, if ‘only time’ is holding you back, that’s not as scary as it feels otherwise. in terms of time I have written here previously to the extent of paralysing boredom about paperwork. I am now doing a de-sensitisation exercise of doing 15 minutes paperwork a day which I plan to basically do, like, forever. (please ignore that last word if it gives you hives. me, I’m with Amy who told me that forever makes me safe.) I have added that to my app as one of my four key habits and am proud to report that I now have a consecutive 29 day streak! wow!
- lastly, and perhaps most challengingly, more perspective. I was talking to a group of friends recently about how one of the great things about being over 40 was the increased number of things about which we find we simply do not give a shit. (amongst them being grammar, apparently, if that last sentence is anything to go by.) the longer I stay sober, the more frequently I discover that I have changed, or the attitudes of those around me have changed, or the whole damn world has moved on, sweetie, while I sorted out my poor little boozer head and now I am emerging blinking into the sunlight and realising that I couldn’t care less about a great number of things. for which, great thanks.
writing these posts has been really helpful to me in seeking out and thinking about how I can destroy my own ugh fields. with very best wishes on your own quests if you choose to undertake them…..I’ll be here waiting with tea and hot cross buns to hear all about it! Prim xx