last week SC emailed me with a suggestion of a book some of you may find helpful in understanding yourselves or others. here’s what he says:
‘I encountered a book you might like, and might like to share with others. It’s called The Way Men Heal, by Thomas R. Golden. It’s a short e-book available for a small price on Amazon. This book helped me *not* feel like damaged goods for not wanting to talk about my shit.
The gist of the book is that men and women generally have different, but equally valid, paths to emotional healing. Unfortunately, the “talk it out” approach favored by most women was adopted as the industry standard, as exemplified by Oprah, Dr. Phil, and all the other folks with PhD’s in Getting Your Shit Together.
Most men (and some women) have little desire to ‘talk it out’ and are therefore seen as distant and emotionally retarded. However, these people who dislike the feminine approach to healing actually have a whole host of other healing paths at their disposal; they just aren’t validated in the same way that traditional women’s ways are.
I think this book would be useful for book club because it describes and honors all the ways that healing can happen. Even though most bloggers are women who like to talk it out, I’m sure everyone knows – and wonders about – someone who would rather pull out their own fingernails than have a conversation about their feelings. The Way Men Heal explores and honors the experience of the other 50% of the population.
I’d encourage you to read it for yourself. I read it and it helped me immensely; it suddenly made sense why I wanted to read, play music, and make new plans for the garden. My wife read it and she understood why I didn’t want to talk a whole lot, but DID have the urge to create. The book indicates that 75% of men and 20% of women use “masculine” activities as their primary mode of healing, so it’s worth it to learn about how “the other half lives”, so to speak.’
There’s also a 13 minute video interview here with Thomas R. Golden, discussing how we can love the men and boys in our lives better.
he says that we can do this by learning to respect the way many men (and some women, too) heal, particularly in grief, by using activities to honour the person they have lost.
the bit that grabbed me was when the interviewer said, “You made it so a guy will read it!”
does this message ring true for anyone you know, or indeed for yourself? any thoughts welcome as ever! Prim xx