the initial part of the title of this post, I will cheerfully admit, has been stolen lock stock and barrel from a sparkly friend o’mine. and so if that makes me a blogging bushranger, so be it 🙂

Ned Kelly – the original hipster?

however I am coming at that question from the other end, if you like… why am I still here, on day 618 (YAY!!!!) of my sobriety? what’s the reason I still blog, if, as my frequently repeated maxim states, every behaviour has a purpose?

because I can too easily lose my way in the depths of Should Woods –


… namely “I should be tailing off the amount of time I spend on blogging by now, as so many others do… why do I still feel drawn to it? maybe I should be doing something else instead?”

I know. I make myself tired, too 😉

and yes I know it is ok to do just exactly what I want to do. and I get that I need not necessarily know why this is important to me to know that it is (which may just be the most grammatically appalling sentence that I’ve ever written, sorry!)

I suspect that I will keep blogging for myself primarily because I get so much out of it – the untold insight, wisdom and humour from you all is priceless. perhaps too because this is the only place which I can readily access where being sober is, simultaneously, completely normal and acceptable whilst still being a fucking big deal.

although I am hardly ever at risk of having a drink, nowadays, it’s like being able to run a 5k – I only still can, without even thinking about it, because I stay in training.

I also worry that I am in a perpetual, never-to-be-satisfied search for a Unified Theory of  Everything To Do With Addiction And Recovery. and is my tendency to keep adding things to that, like toppings to an already overloaded pizza?

“so – you’d like your pizza with Perfectionist Pepperoni, Meditation Mushrooms and with extra Co-Dependency Cheese topping… and to drink, Madam? ah yes, a tall glass of cool, refreshing Buddhism Lite…”

and introspection, like pizza, can be satisfying but stultifying if taken in excess…

and now to the second half of the post – the book club bit. which answers some of my concerns I’ve tried to explain above, and also addresses a lot of the issues I addressed in my post about how we use behaviours to change our feelings.

I was going through a drawer yesterday and came across a list headed ‘Priorities – Summer Holidays 2013.’ please note that my introspective and list making tendencies pre-date my sobriety 😉

head of the list was an item I didn’t understand, at first sight. and i’m sure you can guess where I’m going with this – my first priority was stated as:

1. U21.

which was my secret code in case anyone else came across it for my moderation attempts, in my final drinking summer, to keep below 21 units a week. note – not 14 units, the UK recommended amount for women – that ship had long since sailed. and no, I couldn’t keep to U21 either.

so was thinking of doing something else in summer 2015! and wondered if anyone might like to join me in a sober book club, reading a particular book which I think would be really relevant to sobriety, and then I will post about it (probably!) every couple of weeks over the summer, and if you’ve been reading it too you can join in with comments and if you haven’t it will give me a chance to have a really good think about the topics that the book raises, and see if I can do them justice!

the book (which, I should say, I’ve been reading for a while and am looking at re-reading) is called Flow, and is by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi*. The blurb on Amazon says:

‘What really makes people glad to be alive? What are the inner experiences that make life worthwhile? For more than two decades Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi studied those states in which people report feelings of concentration and deep enjoyment. His studies revealed that what makes experience genuinely satisfying is ‘flow’ – a state of concentration so focused that it amounts to complete absorption in an activity and results in the achievement of a perfect state of happiness. Flow has become the classic work on happiness and a major contribution to contemporary psychology. It examines such timeless issues as the challenge of lifelong learning; family relationships; art, sport and sex as ‘flow’; the pain of loneliness; optimal use of free time; and how to make our lives meaningful.’

* apparently he is quite happy to be known as Mike 😉

the book really is excellent and has given me a lot to think about. I’d love to share those thoughts with you! I think reading it would be valuable to anyone, really, at whatever stage of sobriety they are. If you’d like to obtain and read the book over the next couple of weeks – or indeed already know it – let me know in the comments and then I’ll have some idea of how to phrase the posts.

looking forward to letting those thoughts flow! Prim xx