was out with a group of female friends this week and finding it incredibly difficult witnessing the justifications being made over why it was perfectly all right to have quite a lot of wine on a week day night. if it is perfectly all right why do we need to justify it to ourselves and others?

because I have been there and I know the pain and discomfort behind the laughing words. and I am learning that I am not called upon to save the world… I have talked in private to the friend I am closest to in this group, she knows I am in recovery and she has talked to me about her own concerns. it is really hard to watch someone you care about stuck in the moderation trap.

because when we are in that trap we search endlessly for ways to stay in it. until we have finally had enough, just one reason is enough for us never to make a change.

my children are singing George Ezra’s ‘Budapest’ at the moment and it chills me, applying these words to myself, because yes, I would have left everything for alcohol. well, not any more.