in the last couple of weeks I have started very gently on guided meditation, using Headspace, as recommended by Lou. if you haven’t come across it and would be interested, I would highly recommend it.
it begins with a free 10 day trial of daily 10 minute meditations. I do like that Andy, who founded Headspace and voices the meditations, has a very restful voice. as you work your way through the trial period, there are occasional short animations which give some really helpful analogies about how the process of meditation works. and in particular, I appreciated the frequent reassurances that when thoughts stray into your mind, that this is a normal part of the process and doesn’t mean that you ‘can’t do it’.
because for me when I let my mind rest, all the thoughts come bipping in, like the chap on the left:
but, apparently, that’s okay. so, you know. phew.
well, I have completed the free 10 days and signed up for a subscription. which has surprised myself, to be honest, as I thought (a bit like therapy, yes, yes, I can see the pattern) that I didn’t need it and I wouldn’t get anything out of it. but here I am, giving it a go! and having gone into it with the intention of getting as serene as possible, like, RIGHT NOW, I have been somewhat startled to find that if anything, I appear to be becoming more comfortable with my angry feelings. what?! how does that work? difficult to describe, but perhaps more able to let them arise, deal with them, then move on…
as part of this I have felt able to address a communication issue with a close family member. always a toughie, this – the ole Serenity Prayer being pressed into service once more. telling the difference between things one can and cannot change can be so difficult. when to change one’s own response, as the only thing that is truly under one’s own control, or whether a relationship is capable of being improved by honest, clear and (I do so hope) kind communication… ack. I’m doing my best. and that’s all we can ever do, right?
subsequently I have been feeling pretty wobbly, though, and yesterday evening had a surprise visitor in the form of a fleeting urge for a drink, which hasn’t happened for literally months – last August, actually. I do try to record those urges in this blog as it helps me keep track of them. and thankfully it was fleeting, and easy to bat away. but that shook me, too, that my mind still reverts to factory settings in those times.
today have been focusing on self-care basics, including retail therapy, phoning a friend and going for a run. it’s really, properly Spring now, here in England, and my lovely namesake wild primroses are flowering in the hedgerows, just for me.
Spring is always a time of new beginnings, new energies. I’ve been so heartened reading others’ blogs and talking to other sober folks at the recent meet up. it’s so encouraging to see that when we get a bit of sober time under our belts, the not-drinking becomes so little of an issue that we can move on to other issues in our lives, whether it is our careers, our relationships with others, or exercising or forming healthy eating patterns.
and if you’re at an earlier stage on the sober path, I hope you can see this as evidence that the work needed to be sober doesn’t just subside, it can enable you to make other life-enhancing changes too! love and primroses to you! Prim xx