having spent my life building a dam of what I thought incorrectly were helpful and protective behaviours, I am now gradually disassembling it.
there have been a procession of shifts in the last few months, aided in particular by attending the week-end sober meet up. it’s difficult to explain how talking with others virtually non-stop for the maximum possible waking hours in a week-end can peel away layers of shame that I didn’t know were there. but it did and it’s having really long lasting consequences for me, for which I am inexpressibly grateful.
the other thing that’s really helped has been attending weekly therapy sessions for the last four months. as someone who is on blog record as saying I had no baggage whatsoever to unpack, hell, maybe the baggage itself was stopping me seeing that I did?
the planned period of therapy sessions is now coming to an end. one more next week and that’s it. time but primarily financial constraints are making themselves felt. I am feeling slightly apprehensive at doing without it, but the proof is in the pudding: at the session this Tuesday I was casting around for things to say, which anyone who has met me can vouch doesn’t often happen 😉
wondering what the next stage is going to be? I know that I get itchy if I don’t have a ‘thing’ going on…thinking about starting meditation ‘properly’… and, yes, looking at Headspace…at £8 per month it is 95% cheaper than therapy which is a big consideration 🙂
I find it fascinating how liberating ourselves from alcohol gives us the capacity to work on other aspects of our lives. and that can be tough going, in patches.
maybe sometimes when you are heading upstream you have to get out and pull.
I’m giving myself a space, a breather now. looking for a stretch of clearer water ahead…
Have a great week-end! Prim xx