the title of this post was how I misread some wording at the bottom of a letter from my dentist. not denial – dental. ah…. and maybe time to start wearing the reading glasses a bit more, too?!

The Bubble Hour this week had a fantastic exploration of the stages of change, and how we move through them (also some great posts on the moderating phase on Lucy’s blog, here and here...)

it started me wondering what my Denial Plan had been for my relationship with alcohol. and, also, how can I use the benefit of that understanding in other areas of my life?

Denial no 1: something else is the problem.

my weight. my job. my relationships with others. whether I was ready/was able to have children. whether as a mother of young children I should work outside the home. all big important external parameters. all at different times providing their own false focus when actually my relationship with alcohol was clouding my judgement in all of them.

Denial no 2: drinking is the solution to my problems.

“because drinking makes me feel better. it’s something for me, right?”

well, no it doesn’t and it isn’t. next?

Denial no 3: ok, drinking is a problem, but it’s ok as long as I am perfect in every other aspect of my life. 

this one resonates strongly with me now where I have other parts of my life I feel I need to work upon. where I have a tendency to shut them in my metaphorical cupboard under the stairs and ignore them as long as possible until something goes seriously tits up. hmmmm. still thinking about that…

Denial no 4: there is no alternative solution to drinking over my problems. 

“because moderation is clearly impossible for me, and I can’t talk to my doctor or go to AA. so I will just drink as much as I can for as long as I can.” 

but had not actually looked for any alternative until the fateful day I googled ‘giving up drinking’ and found Unpickled’s blog and read it start to finish, then found Belle – and here I am, 446 days later, sober as fuck. sorry sweary but it’s the truth. so goddam sober – if my sobriety were an actor it would be Samuel L Jackson…. but I hadn’t even looked for another way out before giving up. wha?

so. the takeaway (for myself of course here) is that

  • if I think something is a problem, it probably is
  • shutting it away and ignoring it doesn’t solve anything
  • there are solutions to any problem that I can’t know about till I start looking for them!

have a fabtastic weekend! I’m off to try and get the sand out of my ears 😉 Prim xx