this is inspired by Bea’s post this morning. huge well done on 30 days, lovely Bea 🙂 thought I’d write a short blog post rather than hi-jacking her post but do go over and see her if you haven’t already 🙂
why do songs make us cry? songs we have known all our adult lives, which as Bea says, speak to us in different ways each time? because they touch a part in us that nothing else can. a part of us we keep zealously guarded against intrusion. I listen to music when alone in the car, more than anywhere else, and singing/crying whilst driving is a frequent hazard – have often been known to skip tracks because I know they will trigger me…
here’s one of my danger tracks – Desperado by The Eagles. in my teens and twenties I used to take it as an injunction to fall in love with the right sort of man – one who would be kind to me, rather than one who would belittle me at every opportunity, sleep with my best friend and then run off with my handbag, laughing (that is kind of an agglomeration of all my Rubbish Boyfriends, btw. not all in one dastardly package!)
now when I hear this song it makes me think of Me in the last months of drinking. desperate to change, but not knowing how.
‘Don’t your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won’t snow and the sun won’t shine
It’s hard to tell the night time from the day
You’re losin’ all your highs and lows
Ain’t it funny how the feeling goes away?’
losing everything but the booze. all real feelings submerged. and the tears we shed when we hear the songs are the signposts to change:
‘Your pain and your hunger, they’re drivin’ you home…’
and if you are in that dark place right now my heart aches for you. because I have been there and I know how lonely and hopeless it can feel.
but we are not alone, there is hope. we can change.
but we can’t do it on our own. if you are here reading this then that means you have discovered sober blogs and you will never have to be alone with Wolfie again. how wonderful is that?! and here is a shameless plug for another resource in case you haven’t come across it yet – Lucy at A Hangover Free Life has written a fantastic online course which has launched this week. she writes about it here. go, have a look. but be careful. it could just change your entire life 🙂
‘Desperado, why don’t you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate…’
wishing you a great day, wherever you are on the sober path. I remember how hard Fridays can be when you are first getting sober, so if that’s you, have an extra-specially enormous hug and a big sticky virtual flapjack from me and The Eagles, ok?!