sometimes the patterns of our lives shift imperceptibly, and we do not even notice the incremental changes. our perception of time is bound up with how many novel experiences we encounter: the seemingly endless days of childhood stretching out as a consequence of the near constant barrage of new influences, new circumstances, new life. then as we age our experiences become more routine, our patterns set. and often one drives down a road on a regular route and afterwards has no recollection of having done so. did I clean my teeth this morning? I must have done, but the brain has filed it under ‘not important’ to leave space for more interesting data.

our voyage toward sobriety is all new, at first. seen in a blinding light of new influences, new ways of living, searing themselves onto our minds and hearts.

and the vivid, raw designs we see are new, and nonsensical to us. we can even attempt to go back, to regress to old and familiar ways, however painful. because drinking worked for us. that’s why we did it. until it stopped working.

but in life, as in the kaleidoscope, we cannot return to past patterns.

have been somewhat rocked in the last week. patterns in sobriety I had become accustomed to for a while suddenly tilting, changing. and once you see something, you can’t un-see it again, dammit.

the word ‘kaleidoscope’ comes from three separate Greek words:

‘kalos’ – beautiful: ‘eidos’ – form: and ‘scopein’ – look at.

looking at beautiful shapes.

may you and I see the beauty in the shape of our lives today. may we accept our past forms without self-recrimination and be open to whatever comes next. may we consider our current configurations with due attention and reverence, to enable our future to be as beautiful as it may be, whilst remembering that we do not have sole control over what happens to it.

wishing us a peaceful and joyful week. love to you all.

Primrose x

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