if sober power were a new form of renewable energy, like solar power, hydropower or wind turbines, how would it rate, compared to that hoariest of fossil fuels, alcohol?

  • sober power is free. supermarket bills shrink rapidly when cranberry juice takes the place of wine and spirits, and restaurant meals become almost laughably less expensive.
  • sober power does not pollute your body. your skin as the outermost organ shows signs of healing first. I used to think my foundation shade should be named ‘Ash Grey’…now it is more ‘Pink Lady Apple’.
  • sober power is infinitely available. like the world’s oil reserves, the costs to me of using alcohol as a fuel will rise exponentially until I can no longer meet them. but sober power will carry me indefinitely for as long as my feeble frame will permit.
  • unlike solar power, it can be used on cloudy, overcast days, and at night time.
  • it does not need to be stored in cumbersome batteries, or ‘wineracks’.
  • once the tiresome installation period is over, sober power takes up little or no brain-space, unlike alcohol which requires increasing and considerable devotion to its needs.
  • as a power source, it causes relatively little annoyance to other people in comparison to that caused by alcohol – the stumbling awkwardness, the danger to oneself and others, like a hillside of clattering monstrous turbines.
  • sober power is flexible, and can be used at any time and anywhere. it can be taken with you wherever you go. it can be your constant companion, to be relied upon with no fear of shortages or power cuts.
  • it is compatible with other sustainable power sources, such as exercise, meditation, and anicecupofteaandasliceofcake.
  • minor fact: it is scientifically proven to improve your parallel parking. truth.
  • interactions with other users of sober power increase its effectiveness considerably. as new power networks form, within a few short weeks the overall quality of life of the power user rises dramatically.
  • short-term disadvantages arise during the process of transfer to the new power source. these can include a short period of isolation until the links to new networks are identified, established and secure. physical and psychological withdrawal symptoms from the old power source can be dangerous and debilitating, and must be handled with extreme care, like disposing safely of nuclear waste.
  • long-term disadvantages are relatively few, mostly involving social interactions with users still committed to obsolete technology.
  • sober power is at present a little known power source. however the number of users is growing daily and public opinion will change as the facts and effects on society of widespread mindless alcohol consumption become appallingly clear.

sober power is a light inside you that shines more brightly every day.

I’m so glad I discovered it.

PS: this was inspired by a lovely post of Bea’s about her sober-powered weekend.

UFYD total last week – 6.75hours. 42 days to go to one year.

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