sometimes everyone else in the world seems to be playing a different game, by different rules. and that can feel lonely.
thanks so much to everyone who read and to those who commented on my post yesterday. I am so enormously touched and buoyed up by the affection and support I received.
a couple of definite outcomes are, firstly, that just by drafting the post I worked out why I was feeling sad. which is a big deal. because sometimes our heads can’t work that out on their own. in my case if I can’t work it out I generally revert to ‘it’s because I’m feeling fat’ mode. which I did wonder was the explanation yesterday, having spent the whole previous day trying on clothes. but no, that is just a catch all. it wasn’t that.
secondly I did have a big talk to my husband about why I was sad. that I had felt a division between my friend and myself which I couldn’t get round. and that he couldn’t help with that but that he could help me by being more appreciative and understanding himself. because I realised that he is the person closest to me who gets this the most in real life – so if I need support in real life he is the one I should be turning to. because (apologies to men reading this) men are a bit rubbish at this. and just because I tell him something once doesn’t mean I should expect him to take it in 🙂 and anyway that was a really positive conversation and improved the understanding between us. so I am very glad of that.
and thirdly the results of my informal survey were that, surprise surprise, I am not terminally unique. hardly anyone in the comments knew anyone in real life who is sober. well. I didn’t really think that everyone else had loads of sober buddies but I am still pretty amazed and, actually, horrified by that. bloody hell, doesn’t everyone in the Universe DRINK A LOT!
and that makes me feel less alone. if we are all in the same boat.
thanks for being on my team, guys! I couldn’t do this without you. seriously.