016SI shark infested custard lr

shark-infested custard. in case you don’t know any ten year olds.

I thought of this joke in an attempt to describe how I have been feeling lately. which is as if I have been struggling through some claggy, resistant substance, making no real headway – whilst at the same time frequently encountering moments of sheer terror and panic.

I’m not sure what the rhubarb crumble signifies. other than that rhubarb crumble is a very sure and certain refuge in times of trouble. well, everyone knows that.

I am dealing with it as best I can. I write the acronym TVGCOM daily on my to-do list, standing for ‘Take Very Good Care Of Myself’. I am exercising, eating properly and making sure I get lots of sleep. I am being extra nice to people around me rather than snapping at them (WOW! NEW CONCEPT!) and they are being nice to me back. a wise friend said to me recently that in tough times sometimes all we can do to get through is ‘just love stronger’ and I am trying to build on those words.

in other news am making small but regular progress on the Pebble Project. can’t be bothered to take a photo πŸ˜‰ but there are 45 pebbles in the jar! they are quite small pebbles so they cover the bottom of the jar to about half an inch. they represent such world shattering achievements as re-filling the bird feeder. which actually is an achievement when it has been giving me a pin-prick of guilt every time I see it for weeks. JFDI, as a boss of mine used to say. just fucking do it! it is quite interesting reading the list of things that I have done. seeing what I tend to put off. hopefully by doing some of them I will reduce the mental energy that is expended onΒ not doing them and be able to use that energy in doing things, if that makes sense?!

oh, and I am seven months sober today πŸ™‚

and there hasn’t been any new sober jewellery for months so I thought I would buy myself these tiny silver earrings shaped like puzzle pieces (you’ll need to scroll down the page as they are sold. to me!)

because every day I realise more and more that getting sober was the missing piece in the puzzle of my life.

I have a lovely husband, amazing children and a rewarding (though sometimes challenging) job, but all of it was crumbling without that missing piece.

my sobriety is so precious to me. it is the friend by my side through the difficult days. I will TVGCOM sobriety, too.