remembering what we like doing

one of the things boozing does to us is suck the enjoyment out of any other activities. it is so insidious, partly because many of those other activities also, typically, include alcohol.

I had such a great time out at dinner with my husband on my birthday. we had one particular long, intense conversation about something that was nothing to do with work, or children, or household stuff, but about an abstract matter that is important to both of us. I remembered that I like talking to my husband! and in the past there would have been a bottle of wine on the table. and I might have felt that the conversation was looser, more free-flowing because I had some wine. In the past I would have believed that it was necessary for such a conversation to take place. but the wine isn’t necessary.

in many ways I am still unbelieving that I have got to this point of 165 days sober. when I started on the 100 day challenge I thought that anyone further ahead of me was impossibly, immensely wise and mature in their sobriety. having got to this point, I have to say, I do not feel immensely wise and mature. but perhaps it is like running. you run to a feeling of perceived exertion. and the fact that as you train you can run faster, and harder, have got further away from where you started, doesn’t register, because you are still pushing yourself as hard as you feel able.

This is my 100th post on this blog. it has been a long journey. I am so glad to have had you with me and to have learnt so much from you on the way. thank you!

Much of the stuff I am now trying to process, to make progress with, is life crap rather than struggling to not drink, or trying not to think about not drinking. I am moving on to how to lead a fulfilling and worthwhile life. and the ‘without booze’ isn’t in that sentence. because booze isn’t at the forefront of my thinking anymore, thank God. it might flash through occasionally, like an evil fairy.

don’t have nightmares…

but I have taken away the fairy’s power over me by being vigilant about staying in recovery, reading the sober blogs, and, finally, remembering that other stuff is fun, too. Belle’s shit-storm of treats. still working for me!

what is fun for you, today? I’m always looking for more ideas! xx

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