The leg is still pretty bad. It was very painful last night (after feeling pretty ok during the day so I spent more time on my feet than I should have). I’ve made a physio appointment for tomorrow and am trying to make myself stay off it in the meantime.
The big difference though is that I have had a big shift in attitude about it. It was almost a physical sensation.
My whole reason for giving up alcohol was that it was making my life unbearable. I can’t be the ‘me’ I want to/have to be and drink too. I can’t meet the needs of my family, my work, my own need to be a sane and stable person, and drink.
So now I have had a concrete, specific example of a difficulty occurring in my life. And, even better, I have a comparative: the injury I had last year which stopped me running for three months.
Last time, I almost literally disappeared into a sinkhole of my own making.
The despair and frustration was huge. I remember shuffling round a supermarket in floods of tears. Always a good look for me. And with hindsight my booze use did escalate dramatically during that period.
This morning I took a step back and looked at my own feelings. I am sad and fed up, yes. But I am damn well dealing with this, comparatively, so well. Which is why I gave up the booze. To be able to deal with day to day life better, sober. And that is what I am doing. I have demonstrated that to myself. Q.E.D. I am a stronger and more resilient person, with more internal resources than I had three months ago. That is amazing. I would jump for joy if it wasn’t for this bloody leg 😉
And, in other news, I’ve been planning a new border in the garden, and ordering a few shrubs for it. I had great fun choosing them by flowering colour and times, size and form. One of the ones I chose was a favourite I’ve had in another garden before – a pink-flowering Kolkwitzia amabilis.
It was only when it arrived today that I noticed that the variety I ordered had the full name of Kolkwitzia amabilis ‘Pink Cloud’. Which is not only a lovely reminder of the happy pink cloud days of early sobriety – but will also be a source of continual private amusement to me, as I rejoice in the fact that I now have a sober bush.