Primrose: 90. Wolfie: a big fat zero

This is what 90 bottles of wine looks like. This is how much wine I would have drunk in the last 90 days.

I did debate quite hard about putting this image on this post. I don’t think it’s necessarily kind to show a bunch of people the thing they are trying to avoid. So if this image gave you even the slightest pang, I am sorry.

The reason I decided in the end to put it up was that it is helpful for me to physically see the fact of what I have achieved. I am trying to be honest with myself after years of pushing uncomfortable thoughts away. And seeing that number of bottles is uncomfortable for me. Because, yes, what the hell was I thinking to believe that drinking that much was a reasonable way to exist? But also, I am very proud of myself that I have made this much of a difference to my life.

I did find another image of a full 90 bottle wine rack here (trying to minimise un-optional visual offencegiving!) The latter, of identical bottles of white wine, may be more representative of my actual previous consumption.

The reason I chose the image I did was because I got a reaction to it which I found interesting to unpick.

The words that came to my mind when I first saw it were, “Ooh, that looks nice.”

But it wasn’t the Wolfie voice. I didn’t want to drink any of the wine. I didn’t wish I could pick up a bottle, examine it, put it down, make a choice. I didn’t want to drink all the wine. What I liked about it was…. that the colours were pretty.

Seriously. Apparently I like the look of wine bottles in the same way as I would admire a stained glass window, or a colourful quilt.

Even though I actually mostly drank white wine, and that as cheap as I could still stomach, how I visualised wine was as a liquid version of those two links.

Glowing. Colourful. Warming. Inviting.

Perhaps this is why the non-alcoholic reward drinks I have chosen have all been vibrant colours; no plain tonic water in this household thank you Jeeves.

Another facet of the booze unwrapped. Another step closer to understanding what is going on inside my own head. Haven’t been in there much in the last ten years or so. I’ve forgotten what I keep there.

Another way of looking at the amount of wine I’ve not drunk is by volume: 67.5 litres. That’s filling a bath about 15cm deep.

a nice young man and a 60 litre barrel

Or by value – at least £500. Probably more if you include spirits and going out – say £700.

That’s a bloody bracelet from Tiffanys, or the supermarket shop for at least a month, or more running kit than even I could possibly buy in one go. I could splash out at Waterstones and buy more books than I could physically carry. Or order myself one of these every month for six months.

Hmm… any more ideas?!