First sober funeral. 

Being sober has not been high on my list of pre-occupations today. It was something I worried about in anticipation. Hellooo? Don’t do that. 

There was that moment in the church hall afterwards where in the past the relief of getting through the service conflated with a glass of something alcoholic, producing a delicious feeling of drama/numbness/reward for getting through it.

Today all I really, really wanted was a cup of tea and to talk to people. Which I did. I am glad that I know the emotions I felt were real and not booze phantoms.

Home now, getting outside a C&T. 

I’m not really feeling like drinking right now. It’s more as if I think I ought to be feeling like it. 

I’ll be ok. I won’t drink. I do reserve the right to cry and to eat unreasonable amounts of chocolate.