First sober funeral.
Being sober has not been high on my list of pre-occupations today. It was something I worried about in anticipation. Hellooo? Don’t do that.
There was that moment in the church hall afterwards where in the past the relief of getting through the service conflated with a glass of something alcoholic, producing a delicious feeling of drama/numbness/reward for getting through it.
Today all I really, really wanted was a cup of tea and to talk to people. Which I did. I am glad that I know the emotions I felt were real and not booze phantoms.
Home now, getting outside a C&T.
I’m not really feeling like drinking right now. It’s more as if I think I ought to be feeling like it.
I’ll be ok. I won’t drink. I do reserve the right to cry and to eat unreasonable amounts of chocolate.