I am on Day 29 this morning, which means I have 28 days sober under my (slightly more snugly fitting) belt. I am finding that I am measuring my sobriety in weeks as well as days. Four rough and amazing weeks lived through without the wine fog. Weeks have their own cycles and mini-peaks and troughs. Sober Saturday mornings. Yay! Sunday lunch minus the sherry. Still boo.
To remind my future self about these four weeks I thought I would pick out four key statistics.
56 hours spent online reading sober blogs, listening to podcasts, or emailing the amazing Belle: probably two hours per day = 56 hours. This seems a vast amount but has probably done more than anything else to get me to 28 days sober. Along the way I have learnt
- to give myself treats at least every two days. More if I am feeling low.
- that wiser women than I have learnt that the voice saying “you can moderate” is not to be listened to. La la la, fingers in ears. I can’t hear you, Wolfie.
- that ‘forever makes me safe’. Heartfelt thanks to Amy for my new mantra.
86 miles run over the four weeks. As a parallel challenge to the 100 days sober, I am training for a half marathon in March. I have been running for three years and this will be my first half. I had always believed that it was too far for me, and that I couldn’t spare the time for training. Do you know what? I was probably right. I didn’t have the time – when I was drinking. Now I have the time and the energy to do one of the things that makes me happiest in the whole world.
16 people whom I have told that I have stopped drinking. With varying degrees of confidence, and various reasons given. It got easier after the first two (my husband, and my brother). Yesterday I dropped it into conversation with three close friends quite casually. The corollary to the 16 people I have told is the five people I haven’t told – my elderly parents and my children. If anyone has experience of how to talk to their children about this stuff, it would be greatly appreciated. At the moment my plan is to wait until one of them asks me about it, and then to wing it. Planning to wing it is a plan, right?
40 sober bedtime stories told. Think this is my favourite statistic, based on two children each being read to roughly five nights a week. It gets to the heart of why I desperately wanted to stop drinking.
Every time I can do it I believe in myself as a good and capable person a little bit more. I am present for my children in a way that I had allowed to slip away.
These are things worth fighting the good fight for. These are worth everything.